Friday, December 29, 2006

And so two become one.....

Tomorrow is the day. The day my baby sis finally ties the knot with her fiancee. And, ironically, our Middle sis is going to be officiating. Turns out no preacher, pastor, chaplain, or reverend in town would officiate in a wedding in which the bride & groom did not go through AT LEAST 2 weeks worth of marriage counseling. Sis wants this done, NOW. So, she asked our middle sis to officiate. All it meant for middle sis was a quick trip to the courthouse to fill out the necessary paperwork, and she's legally ready to officiate at our baby sis's wedding. It's going to be in the fireplace lounge at one of the nicest hotel/restaurants in town.

Dh will be at work, but DD & I will be all dolled up for the occasion. Little Sis had a hissy when she found out her sweetie was planning on appearing in a button-down polo & jeans. She dragged his ass to Old Navy for some nicer duds. So, instead he'll be appearing sans baseball cap, in khaki's and a button down semi-dressy top. Sis has evidently gotten herself a white prom dress to wear. Hopefully the tailor was able to fix it so she's not popping out the top, as it sounds like it's either spaghetti straps or strapless. Purchased the usual 2 to 3 sizes too small, I'm sure. Niece will be part of the ceremony as well, actually receiving a ring from her new Daddy and taking part in the vows.

Finally, this day has come. I gotta say, I think I'm nearly as happy as the bride herself. For somewhat similar reasons, I believe. She can't wait to be married because she'll finally have somebody to take her away from this town that she hates so much. I can't wait till she's married because she'll finally have found somebody gullible enough to take her home with them, and get her out of my hair. ;)


Mom & Middle sis have been here in town for about a week now, and it's been kinda cool seeing them. Though Mom did kinda tick me off, the other day. (For some reason I couldn't tell ya then, Mom.)

We were over and Mom & Middle sis were commenting on how long my hair's gotten (it's at it's longest point ever), and I commented that I'm going to get it cut as soon as they leave. Not a major cut. Just a couple of inches. It's too long, right now, and it's horrible to wash & condition. And I've got all sorts of split ends. But it's healthy. Something it wasn't, last time it was this long (in HS).

So, Mom sits there and starts saying that I should get it permed, and colored with the dark auburn that I used to use. I don't know.... That just isn't me any more. I've finally come to terms with being whom I was created to be. I don't need to try to change how I look, because then I'm not me. Right now, with my natural brown, long semi-straight hair.... This is who I was born to be. My blue/gray/green eyes with glasses..... This is who I was born to be. My freckles (which I have NEVER covered up)...... This is who I was born to be. I've finally come to terms with all that. I've finally come to the realization that I don't have to be a green-eyed, curly-red-head to be pretty. Heck, I'll never be truly pretty. But..... My blue/gray/green eyes, my long, straight, brown hair and my smile..... That's when I'm pretty. When I am whom I'm supposed to be. Maybe I've never been "The Pretty One". That was my baby Sis when she was little. I'll never be "The Smart One". That is my Middle Sis. But, I'm me. I'm Kati. I'm the book worm, the crocheter, the (some-day) Librarian, the Mom to DD, the Wife to DH. I'm the one who lives in Alaska. And I'm the one who gets complimented on her smile at work, by my boss, by the patrons who walk past me. I'm the one who gets complimented for her manner with unruly children. I have long, straight, brown hair, and blue/gray (green when I'm angry) eyes. I'm finally good with that.

And it kinda pissed me off when my Mom was telling me how I should change who I am. I'm no better when I have shorter, curly, auburn hair & green (contact lens) eyes. Hair color doesn't make me nicer to the patrons at work, or handle the unruly children better, or crochet better. I want to be who I was born to be. I'm tired of covering it up with hair color that isn't mine, and eye color that isn't mine (all the time). This is me. I rather like me.

And Mom, I may not be the most exciting of your daughters. I'm not getting my Ph.D. in anything, any time soon. I'm not moving away with a husband that's taking over the family business. I'm not going surfing & scuba diving & traveling the world (or, at least the country) at the drop of a hat. I'm rather boring by your standards, by M's standards, or by K's standards. And I'm sorry you have a hard time accepting that. But I actually kinda like me. I actually kinda like that my life is steady. I do have plans for travel, and an education, but for right now..... Yes, Kati still works at the library in Fairbanks. Yes, Kati will be staying in Alaska with her husband while the rest of the family moves away. I may be boring, and predictable by some standards. But I'm me. And that's ok. I'm just sorry you can't see it. That M. can't see it, and that K. can't see it.

Maybe you are all three searching, endlessly, for something that may or may not be there. And maybe, for now, I've found it. And I realize it. At least for now, this is enough. This is all I need. A steady job that I love. A man that I love. A child that I love. A home town that is comfortable & that, despite it's faults, I love. Hobbies that I love. And, ironically, while I've found something that I love in my very own back yard, I know that when I am ready, I have chances for growth. I'm not ready yet. When I am, maybe you'll write letters about how I'm doing in college, or traveling, or snorkeling in Hawaii with you. For now "Kati is still working at the Library in Fairbanks" and "Kati will be staying in Alaska with her hubby" are good. I'll leave the searching, the constant need for something new, to the rest of you.

Have a Blessed Day!


Niobium said...

And it kinda pissed me off when my Mom was telling me how I should change who I am.

Mothers are really good at that.

Anonymous said...

Been there, done that!!! My mother ruled my life even after I was married until my first daughter was born. I said (to me) "enough! I will do what *I* want to do!!"

Good for you! Hang in there ... keep your long, straight hair, keep your lovely eyes and your lovely smile. Keep your job, your home, your family. I love you for what you are, NOW, not what you are going to change into (if ever)..

Blessings - and keep strong!

Anonymous said...


Great post...

Sorry about your sister's wedding.

I like you just the way you are. Keep posting.

Anonymous said...

Hey Kati,
I *DO* love you just the way you are... I had been looking at your old pictures from High School and remembered how happy you were when your hair had the spiral perm and was auburn... you were like an Irish lass (guess that was about the time you met Scott too). I didn't mean to imply that I loved you any more then, or love you any less now. You'll always be my Kati, my oldest... and as far as being smart... you don't give yourself enough credit for how smart you are... don't sell yourself short! I love you! - Mom