Saturday, December 30, 2006

Called off.....

Well, the Groom got cold feet, decided that baby Sis was rushing things, and that while he still loves her & wants to marry her, he's not quite ready yet. I had a feeling something like this would happen. Sis has attempted to rush several of her past boyfriends into commitments that they weren't ready to make. Her prime goal in life seems to be becoming somebody's wife. Very much a Hera archetype going on in that girl. (Read Jean Shinoda Bolen's _Goddesses in Everywoman_ for more on that. It's a great book anyway.) Well, once again she rushes things, pushing far faster than her boyfriend is ready, and he backs out.

I sincerely hope they do get marriage counseling, and start now. Maybe things will wind up with them getting married in May. Maybe not, but marriage counseling is not a bad thing. Definitely helps open the lines of communication, and brings up subjects for discussion that the soon-to-be-newlyweds might not consider on their own. Or might not, on their own, consider important enough for discussion.

Kind of ironic, as well.... A few weeks ago, when he got back from "over there", She rushed him & her daughter in for "family portraits" at the local portrait center. The last 2 times she's done this, her boyfriends cut things off with her and wound up quickly making their way out of her life. She seems intent on jinxing herself by pushing hard & fast for something He isn't ready for. (No matter who the "He" is.) Well, at the point of hearing about their "Family Portraits", I commented to DH & a couple of friends how I hope this didn't jinx their relationship, seeing as how the past 2 b-friends cut loose & ran as soon as they saw the pictures.

And I really hope my Dad & sis don't blame this on me & DH. We were all over at the house for dinner last night, and DH & I were ribbing the woulda-been Groom a bit. Not bad, certainly not as much as he's probably been getting from his military friends. Dad heard a couple of Dh's comments about the "ol' ball & chain". And my grinned whisper of "enjoy your last night as a free man". But the Groom seemed to be taking it all in stride. And, as I said, our commentary was not maliciously meant, and we aren't exactly bad examples of marriage ourself. (Mom & Dad are more likely to give somebody qualms about getting married, than DH & I are.) So, I hope Dad & baby Sis don't get peeved at DH & I. Because quite simply, if our couple of comments were enough to push the Groom over the edge to calling it off, he was awfully damn close in the first place. As Dh said, if a guy TRULY wants to marry a girl, commentary like that isn't going to stop him the day before, or the day of, the wedding. He'd be one to know. ;) And isn't that what bachelor parties seem to be all about, the Groom's married & unmarried friends trying to talk him out of it, or trying to give him one last good time before Groom becomes a married man?

Ok, so I feel a bit guilty about the comment last night, but I do know that woulda-been-Groom was feeling some serious qualms before I ever uttered that comment, if he actually called the wedding off on the day of. One or two comments is not enough to get somebody who TRULY wants to be married, to actually call things off.

Anyway..... Just had to post an update.

Have a Blessed Day!


Steph said...

That's a shame. Don't blame yourself, it's all on the groom's shoulders. I think counseling for the both of them is ideal, especially considering your sister's need to rush things.

When my sister got married we did a lot of "dead man walking!" at the wedding rehearsal...*snicker*

Kati said...

Steph, I don't really blame myself or DH for our comments. As I said, I'm sure his military buddies were saying much worse. But, being her sister I DO have to feel a little bit of guilt.

In reality, though, it's entirely between the two of them. And I think a good hefty dose of it lands on HER shoulders more than his, for rushing things. She's always rushed things and pushed people, and one day she'll realize that it truly doesn't do to try to lead everybody around by the nose, and expect them to docilely go along with it.

She was never able to keep friends for very long as a kid, for this reason. She's never been able to keep boyfriends for very long, for this reason. I just hope she realizes this tendency, and chills, before she loses a truly good guy.

I really, really do hope that they get couples counseling before they go any further. But, with the way She does things, I'm guessing that she'll break it off before too much longer, if he doesn't start falling back in line with her wishes. I kinda hoped it'd take till after they were official, before he showed his backbone. She needs somebody to stand up to her, but when somebody does, she quickly cuts & runs & tries to find somebody else who is willing to (temporarily) be led by the nose.

Anonymous said...

You souldn't feel bad about what you said. You are right if a couple of comments made him call it off then he wasn't ready.

I hope they get counseling too. My cousin and his wife got counseling before they married and he said it has made all the difference.

Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

Nope, you spoke how you felt and that's why I come here.

Happy New Year, Mrs. Perfect How You Are!