Sunday, January 09, 2005

Grrrrrr.... complete lack of respect!!!!!!!

First time blogging, so bear with me.

I'm completely sick of this lack of respect from my husband. I know about the whole "you teach people how to treat you" bit, and while I don't like Dr. Phil, I agree with this statement of his. But why the F*CK is it so hard to get them to start treating you differently?!?!?!?! Why can't my husband accept that I AM NOT the same person that he married 7 years ago (hell, neither is HE!!), and I'm changing (have changed) and there are other things that I'm trying to get across to him, that he just won't accept. NOT hard things. I'm not expecting him to take me traveling around the world just because I get a little stir crazy in good old North Pole. I'm just expecting him to actually listen to what I say, and give me some freaking respect and understanding.

Noooooooooo!!!!! Of course that's not going to happen. The only time he ever winds up agreeing with my thoughts are when his dad winds up saying the same thing. I swear to Goddess, his daddy could say the moon is green, the sky is pink, and grass is made of gold, and my husband would believe him. If I say it, though, I'm a nutcase, unless his daddy says the same damn thing!!!!!!!

Take the most recent in the list of URGH moments. I said that SIL's 2 year old son is a spoiled PITA (which, though he does have his sweet moments, he is definitely SPOILED and completely undisciplined). Well, DH agreed with me for about 5 minutes, until FIL started going on about how the poor kid's daddy isn't in the picture, about how the PITA is the way he is because SIL refuses to discipline him (NO SHIT SHERLOCK!!!!), how he's just 2 (and soon he'll be 3, then 4, then 5.... how long are they planning on using THIS excuse?!?!?) and so on, and so forth. Forget the fact that DH knows that the kid's better off without his daddy, who'd have the PITA ripping hub-caps off of vehicals inside of 2 years, if "daddy dearest" was still involved in the kid's life. Forget the fact that MY baby sister is a single mom, too, and doesn't hesitate to discipline her own child when called for, even without a hubby to back her up. NOPE, I'm a total bitch because I refuse to accept and allow this child and SIL to walk all over me like FIL and MIL and DH prefer to. It was only when FIL's best friend started saying the same things I've been saying for month's now, that DH actually agreed that I might be right!!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!!!! Like I can't use my own two eyes and come up with a reasonable explination and concept for why this is going on, and what I should do about it (stop going over to the inlaws, and refuse to let my daughter be exposed to the lack of discipline in that household)?!?!?!?!

Since WHEN am I incapable of a coherent thought, just because I'm female?!?!?!?!?! So........ I try sitting down and calmly explaining to DH (and I DO NOT mean dear!) that I'm feeling disrespected (and, as I said, this is only the latest occurance of this sort of behavior) and I don't understand why FIL can say it, other guys can say it, but it's meaningless if it comes out of my mouth. You'd have thought I'd just told him that I thought my MIL was a whore and that FIL banged sheep for the way DH went off on me. (And no, I do NOT think MIL is a whore, lacking in common sense - yes, but not a whore. And I do NOT think FIL bangs sheep, a chauvanist pig oftentimes, but not the other.)

And now, I'm wishing that instead of ever telling my friends that I was interested in him (DH), when I started that job at the fair, that I'd just made a mental note of how cute I thought he was, and walked on by. Unfortunately, 7 years into the marriage, with a 7 year old child, it's a little too late for realizations like that. Wishing I could leave, but realizing that so long as he's not abusing me or DD, I'm better off sticking it out till I've got a college degree, a better job, and DD is capable of being a latch-key kid instead of huge day-care bills.

So..... here I am at 11 pm, Alaskan time, typing my first entry on a brand new blog (which I'd never intended to get, but it was the only way to comment on a friend's blog post).......... Well hell, was going to say that I hope you all don't think I'm completely nuts, but what the f*ck do I care if you do think that!?!?!?!

Ahhhh hell....... I've gotta go to bed. Gotta get up for work in the morning. Blessings. --Dragonfly


shal_poetess said...

HEY KATI, LIFE AINT ALL THAT BAD, but then 23 n single i really dont no what all a 7 yr old hubby is capable of doing to my self esteem.... so i hope d men in this world get wiser n start respecting d likes of us.... else their D*cks can sulk all they want! Right! bye now! n cheer up!

Kati said...

Thanks Shal!!!!!! I know things will start looking better in a couple of days. They usually do. But my hubby's disrespectful attitude towards me has gotten more and more frequent. Eventually something's gotta give, and as I'm not going to divorce the jerk just because he pisses me off, it's either going to be his attitude that gives, or HE'S going to be the one filing for divorce. Either way, I'm not having the ruination of our marriage on MY head, and I'm NOT going to quit growing as a person and a woman just because he's uncomfortable with it. *wink* Thanks for the comment.

Naderbug said...

Greetings my sister.

Lack of respect is a very difficult issue in my marriage as well. I often find my husband treats me more like his mother than his wife ("What's for supper honey" even though he's been home for two hours playing video games and could easily have made some KD or spagetti or something) and often doesn't have anything to say to me. I feel fortuneate that I do not have children to bind me to him, but in this case, you do.

If you are truly considering leaving him, do take some time and figure out exactly why. I've got another post to make in my blog tonight, so you might want to read that. It gives a much clearer overview of why I'm having these feelings and what can come of them.

I know you are an extremely strong woman and can make it on your own. I am not encouraging you to leave him -- please don't get me wrong -- but if you do so choose, I feel comfortable in speaking for all of your sisters that we will be here for you. I once heard a wonderful quote in a movie:

"I guess sometimes we just love the wrong men. It happens. Doesn't mean my life is over."

May the strength of the Goddess love and protect you.

Bright Blessings!

Ravenmoon Cloudsailer said...

Well Honey, I know how you feel when you say that you feel you have no respect. I have just had an occurance over the weekend (I guess I'll have to write a blog to explain it all)where I stated that I wasn't going to live like that anymore, and boy has there been a change here. Its never an easy thing to discus or work through something as complex as this (I'm thinking it might come down to childhood programming in this case) but I know you are the person who can do it. We are here for you sister.