What a sucky birthday.....

Well, yesterday I turned 26. I haven't had that bad of a birthday in.......... Oh..... EVER!!!!!! I mean, even the horrid birthday parties my mom used to throw me as a kid were better than this. I woke up, got coffee for DH and myself, got Tay a bagel, and sat around waiting for SOMEBODY to remember it was my birthday. Finally after commenting on the fact, Tay remembered to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't even hear the words out of Dh's mouth till late yesterday afternoon. No present, though, because according to DH, he didn't have the time or money to pick me up a present in advance. Of course, he wanted me to stay home from Tay's hockey practice so he and Tay could go pick up a gift, but I knew my Dad would be there (albeit without gift, as he was coming straight from work), so I refused to stay home. Well, I at least DID get happy birthday wishes from my Dad, my Mom, and both of my sisters, and a happy birthday whisper from my 2 year old niece (who likes the phone, but not enough to talk on it very much). So, after getting home from practice at noon, DH sat around playing x-box games and watching tv for 4 hours, before deciding to make a run to the dump with trash. At some point while he was playing on the x-box, his grandma called (whom I'm usually close to, and who's never before failed to wish me an enthusiastic happy birthday). Instead of the usual birthday wishes that I was sure to hear, it appeared that she'd completely forgotten, and was instead calling to inquire as to whether or not I'd heard from MIL that day, and if MIL was doing ok. Well, DH caught me crying over that "straw" and asked what the problem was. WTF!?!?!?! Everybody's forgotten my birthday, including himself, and what is my problem!?!?!?!

So...... EVER SO THOUGHTFUL guy that he is, after dumping trash, DH stopped at the GROCERY STORE, bought one seriously F-ing ugly houseplant (I HATE houseplants, the constant watering and repotting and they still die, and they're not even attractive), a box of Valentine's chocolates, and a valentine's balloon, and brought that home for me as my birthday present. He even had the nerve to write in the card that he got me that the only reason he went to dump trash is so that he could pick me up something for my birthday. Then he had the audacity to be SHOCKED when I was insulted by a UGLY HOUSEPLANT (and he's been told before that I HATE houseplants, but I feel guilty if I don't make an attempt at least to keep them alive) and valentine's day chocolates and balloon. Needless to say, more crying insued, he had a hissy because I was upset over his gift, and Tay only THEN remembered to make me a card (which I love, but geeze.... put some thought into it PLEASE!!!!!).

After that, I get cleaned up (ie: hold a cool washcloth over my red eyes and face, get dressed up in my nicest outfit, put my hair up, and put on some jewelry) and we headed over to the inlaws to go out to dinner (it was supposed to be a combined b-day dinner for MIL, myself, and FIL, with FIL treating us). Well, I will definitely give MIL credit for being sick (nasty, nasty headcold from the look of it) when I say that when we got there she asked ME when my birthday was, then rushed to sign the birthday card she'd gotten me. *rolling eyes* She also didn't go to dinner with us, as she seriously looked like death warmed over. Dinner itself was incredible. We went to a resteraunt that DH and I had previously been to ONCE (several years ago), and we wanted to try it again. We were kind of shocked to get there and find 8 entrees, 4 appetisers, and 3 salads on the menu (and the kid's menu, for Tay, was: buffalo burger, PB&J sandwich, grilled cheese sandwich, and fish&chips). So, DH and I ended up sharing an INCREDIBLE escargot, as did FIL and Tay (and she realized she LOVES escargot, just as I always have). We each found an entree we'd like to try (and Tay got a caesar salad with grilled chicken instead of a kid's entree), and sat around waiting. Mainly listening to FIL quietly make fun of the uptight atmosphere of the resteraunt (which, it wasn't like that last time DH and I were there). Food came, and it was VERY, VERY GOOD!!!!!!!! I mean, DH had grilled halibut with tomatoes, black olives, green onions, and various other toppings with a lovely sauce, and rice. I had the MOST DELICOUS Pacific Coast Blackend Rockfish with sticky rice, some sort of yummy sauce, and skewered scallops (and a HEAD of steamed broccoli, just for me!!!!). FIL had Grilled Tenderloin over mashed potatoes with Portobello mushroom, and he said his was very, very yummy too!!!!!! (not that I had a bite of it, I keep my distance from mushrooms.) And dessert...... Ooooooooh........ Free dessert for FIL and myself, of course, being our birthday dinner. I had peanut butter pie in an almond crust with chocolate topping. FIL had what looked like a very yummy Bourbon Bread Pudding with Caramel sauce and Sugared Pecans. *moan* Damn that was good!!!!!!! And by far, the best part of my birthday.

Anyway, got home and it was back to the norm: Tay through a fit over brushing her teeth, took 45 minutes to do so, and by then I was crying again and she ended up putting herself to bed between threats to run away and wishing that she wasn't born. She had to be up at 6:30 for hockey this morning, and so far this morning has been a repeat of last night with her. Temper tantrums over the smallest thing (putting away the silverware as I washed dishes, taking a bath, getting geared for hockey....), and again, threats to run away.

Tell you what, I have always looked forward to my 26th year, have always had the sense that it would be a good year for me...... but now that I get here, I wish I could crawl into bed and never, ever get up. I don't want to talk to anybody.... I don't want to see anybody. And honestly, I'm afraid that when I go over to my dad's today and get the gifts he had set aside for me from himself and my mom, I'll end up crying even more over the wreck that was yesterday. If I tell the truth, and I will, I'm wishing I was never born (and now I've passed that legacy onto my daughter). It would be so much easier for everybody if I'd never been born and wasn't around to screw up everybody else's lives for them. No, I'm NOT going to commit suicide, I don't have the stomach for that sort of thing, but I will definitely admit that I'm feeling very freaking depressed and wish there was some way out that wouldn't hurt me our any body else. *sigh*

Ok.... I'll end this before I get anybody upset, or worried about me, or depressed along with me.

Blessings. --Kati