Friday, March 07, 2008

Back Online Already!

So, we got rid of the old computer desk, and the new one is basically set up, though it's looking pretty bare right now. We've got the monitor, printer, phone, camera, tower, and DSL box on (or in, or arround) the desk, but nothing else. The really nice thing is that this gives us some space further up the wall to put collectables or office materials. So, instead of spreading out, we've spread UP. Love that!

Tomorrow, hopefully, we'll get the shrank (Mom said she thinks it's spelled with an "a" instead of an "e" as I've been spelling it) in here, and once I get that wiped out & down (dust & grime from "living" in the garage at Dad's for 20+ years), I'm really looking forward to filling it with my crafting supplies, my fabric, and my fancy dishware that I inherited from Mom-mom (Dad's mom, dec.). It's going to be so nice to have some real storage space in this house. If there's one thing about this place that we've ALWAYS had a grumble about, it's the complete lack of space. There are VERY FEW closets at all, just the one in our bedroom (the only truly full-size closet) and the small (man-sized) closets in the computer room & DD's room. There's a floor to almost-ceiling cabinet outside DD's bedroom & bathroom which has always been used more as a craft cabinet for DD & myself. (Primarily for me, now, though it's only the bottom 1/3rd that's really got my crafting supplies in it. DD never bothers to put her towels away anyway, just leaves them in her clean-clothes basket till she needs a clean towel.)

I think the dogs will be happy to see all this change ended, as well. As it stands now, Jenny's kennel is in the kitchen, and Puck has been hiding out on DH's side of the bed, when he's in the house at all.

We've managed to keep him from being destructive the last couple of days by putting him in the outside (BIG) kennel during the day. And it's been nice enough that he's enjoying the time out there. So, as yet Puck is still a part of our family.


I did NOT talk to my boss yesterday. I saw here only briefly & in passing until almost 6 pm last night. She was working a split shift & was in to collect time-sheets then was off again, then in at 5 pm (at which point I was out doing our 5pm pick-up routine, tidying up for the person who'll have end-of-the-night pickup at 8 pm), so I thankfully didn't really have to cross paths or converse with her until I was almost ready to be off anyway. And when I did see that she was in, I made a point of staying very busy, finishing up a couple of carts that were partially put-away but needed completing.

I think it's a good thing to wait till Monday to talk to her. That'll give me a chance to organize my thoughts & cool my temper before I confront her about her review of me to Ingrid and what she thinks I need to improve upon. (And that's not maturity??? If I was an immature brat I'd have heading right in there yesterday throwing a temper tantrum!!!)

I DID talk to Georgine, and she didn't say anything about any conversation with Betsy that Ingrid may have had. Georgine said she felt I did a good job on the interview, and I showed definite promise, I just need "more". She felt (and I agreed that I'd already come to the same conclusion) that two of my 3 book choices were great for small intimate story-groups, but NOT for a large crowd as is often present at the story-hour. At which point she seemed impressed that I jumped ahead & said that yes, I was aware when picking them that only "Hurray for Spring" actually had graphics vivid enough to be seen at a distance, but with only 24 hours to pick, there weren't a whole lot of options from what is already a small availability at our library (Easter-related story-books).

She did seem to think that I've shown some initiative in attempting to get experience that I don't already have, but said I definitely need to be stronger in my knowledge & abilities regarding reference type work. This is KIND OF a catch-22, seeing as you can only TRULY gain the experience by doing such work. But, she agreed that my plan to ask the head reference librarian for some instruction on using the library's resources (esp. the databases) is a good one.


When I got to the school this morning, the Librarian there asked if I'd heard back yet, and I did tell her what had happened. And I did tell her as well what Ingrid said about her conversation with my boss. Though, trying to keep my own personal feelings at bay, I didn't go into what I don't like about my boss, simply said that I've always had the feeling she doesn't care for me much, and I feel like we knock heads a bit, and my perspective is that it has been primarily my shelving style that has ticked her off the most. I even admit (yes, I do!) that I talk to much. (Gee.... Me??? Talk to much???? NEVER!!! *rolling eyes*) Of course, the school librarian echoed my feelings that when you work around other people, of COURSE you're going to talk to them!!!!

Mrs. L. was astonished to hear that it was judged that I don't take the initiative & find solutions to problems at work, when I certainly took the initiative to get a volunteer position to assist in helping me obtain a higher position in my day-job. (Her exact words were very close to "well, you certainly took the initiative to become a volunteer here to gain experience, if that's not proof of you taking initiative, I don't know what is!!!!") She also pointed out all the things that she appreciates about me such as my timeliness, my willingness to learn & to perform any task she puts before me, my helpfullness when approached by a teacher or a student, and the fact that I come in & jump right into a job, not waiting around for her to give me one. THANK YOU!!!!! (I damned near hugged her for pretty well telling me that she thinks I'm a lovely employee to have around. *watery smile*) I did tell her that should there ever be anything she believes I need to work on, do more of, or do less of, to let me know because I am well open to constructive criticism, and that I certainly wouldn't expect her to be less than truthful about issues that she sees.

Mrs. L. also said that if I would like, in the last quarter she could have me do the story-time for one of the third-grade classes that comes in on the Fridays I volunteer. *nervous smile* I said ok, if she felt that it would be acceptable & wouldn't get her into trouble for having a parent volunteer do work that may be more strictly librarian. (I would get in LOADS of trouble if I tried to do such at Noel Wien or NPB. It doesn't seem the school has any such problem with a parent volunteer reading to a class of kids, providing the book is age appropriate.) So, it looks like I will be getting some story-time experience through my volunteer time, now, as well. I'll let you know further, so y'all can keep me in your thoughts & prayers. I used to hyperventelate & nearly pass out during speaches in HS. This aspect is truly the one that I'm most nervous about. I can handle talking in front of a couple folks, or a group of friends. A whole bunch of folks (even of the younger set) makes me rather nervous. (Not that I'd let on about this to Ingrid or Georgine, of course!!!! *wink*)


Mom talked to somebody she knows who works in a Human Resources type position, and that person said that she believes my boss may well have been less-than-lawful in telling Ingrid specifics about my job performance. Mom's friend said that my boss's statements to Ingrid should have been simply whether or not she'd hire me again, not discussing my job performance. My feeling is that I'm not too worried about my job performance being discussed, but please be honest with me YOURSELF, before you go saying bad stuff about me to prospective employers. Esp. when you KNOW I didn't have you down as a professional reference.

(And for that matter, I don't feel it was completely above board for Ingrid to disregard 2 of my 3 professional references, refering to only her past experience with me, and to presume to use somebody I didn't put down, instead of 2 other folks who already were aware that they would probably be called in regards to my performance. The fact that she completely disregarded any experience I gained in retail, and my experience in a library that involves children's services quite closely...... Just doesn't feel completely above board to me.)


On a spiritual note.... I know I don't mention too often my spiritual practices. Sometimes because I'm not comfortable discussing them with other folks because I'm nervous of how I'll be percieved. Primarily, though, because there are a great many details & ideas that I just haven't yet worked through in my own mind.

But, one thing I do when I start to feel extremely stressed & conflicted is to get out my Goddess Guidance Oracle cards and do a reading. It has been helpful in the past to bring out things I hadn't thought of and to break through some of the conflicting mental conversations I have with myself.

Yesterday, after another rough night thinking so much about how badly it hurt, hearing my work ethics & my character called into question, I knew I needed some guidance & wisdom, and where else better to seek it than from the divine. So, that's just what I did. I took a shower & literally cleansed myself of the mental grime & anger that I'd been feeling for the last several days, then I lit a candle, had a couple of moments of prayer, and sat down on the bed with my Goddess Guidance cards with the intention of seeking wisdom & strength regarding the turmoil I was in now following my discussion with Ingrid. It was actually quite an astonishing "reading". It brought up the larger issue that I've been feeling, that I needed to get this job NOW to help to ensure our family's financial stability against the coming recession/depression.

The first card I drew was Artemis: The Guardian. Her message is "You are Safe and Spiritually Protected. Your Future is safe & secure. Your needs are now, and will continue to be, met. This reminded me that I'm NOT alone, that I DO have divine protection & wisdom.

The second card was Lakshmi: A Bright Future. Her message is to stop worrying, everything will be fine. I will be protected & provided for. Hold positive thoughts & intensions. Once again, I'm safe, I've got a bright future, and stop worrying over everything.

The third (and final card) was Eireen: Peace. Her message is "There is no need to worry as everything is working out beautifully. Give your cares & worries to Heaven. Pray & Meditate & engage in peace-enhancing activities.

I don't think this solid message of "Don't worry" doesn't mean not to prepare for a recession, but stop letting that worry rule my life. START seeing the good in every day. Start seeing the sun rises (when I'm up that early) and sunsets every day (or, as often as the sky is not ACTUALLY too cloudy to see). To enjoy things without being so concerned for the future. I have the Divine backing me up, giving me strength, wisdom, guidance, peace and protection. With THAT, there is NO storm that cannot be weathered, there are NO words that can stop me permanently, there is no person who can stand in my way indefinitely. If I give the divine a chance to show her Peace through me, to work for my benefit, and to guard my interests, there is NOTHING I cannot accomplish, and with grace & wisdom & a lighter heart in the doing.


The weather this past week has been simply beautiful!!!! The temps have been above 30 almost constantly. It's dipped down to about 10 above at night, but during the day it quickly warms to 35 and warmer. Today it was actually in the high 40's and the snow has been melting rapidly. There are many areas where the top inch is slush. (This, of course, is why I've been able to leave Puck outside during the day.)

Supposedly we may get some snow tonight, but I'll believe it when I see it. However, if we do, it's going to make the already-a-bit-slick roads even more slick. Then again, it IS still March, and it is not unusual to get snow even into the beginning of May. My last year working out here at NPB, we had our last snow-fall on May first, but by May 18th the temperature was hitting the 80's and all the snow had melted except for the odd dirt-covered pile that had been plowed to the edge of parking lots. (Those are often still present even into late June & early July.)


So, I think that about covers it for tonight. I may or may not be on much at all tomorrow. It kind of depends on how long it takes in getting that shrank moved over here & in place & cleaned up. I'd like to get it set in place & cleaned immediately so I can promptly get it filled with my yarn & fabric & dish set.

Also, I'm now not sure WHAT I'm making for supper tomorrow night. I know Dad is still coming over, but I forgot to see about bringing the ham in until this morning. Suffice it to say, it was frozen so completely solid that after my grocery shopping trip, I put it BACK outside in the cooler & figured I'd have to find another plan for dinner tomorrow. I just wish I knew what!

EDITED TO ADD: Please be praying for my mom's friend Janis & Janis' boyfriend Tom, Daughter Sarah, and Mom & Brother (and Bro's family) as well as my Mom & Janis' other friends. Janis has been fighting Multiple Myeloma for about a year now, since she was first diagnosed (and that after a long fight to find the correct diagnosis) and from what Mom has passed on from her own conversation just a bit ago, with Tom, it appears that Janis' fight has come to an end. Janis is quickly approaching her last moments in this life. She's ending her life on Kaui, after being removed to a hospital there when it became apparent that she would be unable to complete the tour around Hawaii that was the one task on her "Bucket List" that she & her Mom hoped to complete together before Janis' time ran out. This was a trip that Janis had planned to take with her hubby several years back, only to have to cancel due to her husband's diagnosis & death from cancer. Now Janis completed all but the very last leg of the trip before succumbing herself to cancer. Please pray for her peace, and for peace & comfort for those who know & love her, and for those who will miss her greatly when she is from this life.

Have a Blessed Day!


Celticspirit said...

Kati, I very much admire that you know exactly what you want and how determined you are to get it. It seems to me that you are doing everything possible to get the job you want. Way to go!

Sounds like your reading is right on for you at this time in you life. I often get readings from a friend of mine, either with cards or without.Last night he told me of something that happened in my childhood that nobody could have known. He's darn good.

Have a good weekend. :)

Fr. Peter Doodes said...

Janis is on the prayer list in the churches of Warting and Herstmonceux in the UK, and is, I am sure, in the thoughts and prayers of many all over the world, as indeed are you Kati, and all of those that love and care for Janis.

Robin said...

Well, you've explained something that's been bugging me...that comment that was made about your lack of work ethic.

I obviously don't work with you, but from everything I've seen on your blog you have a hell of a work ethic.

I've seldom seen someone work so hard to better themselves...and it's also hard to go back to interviewers and ask what you could have done better. That shows great character.

I think that someone simply doesn't like you and is letting that cloud her judgement and HER ethics. And your mother is right. If she said anything more than verifying employment, she overstepped big time.

You can't do much about that, but it should make you feel proud that you're doing the best you can, and you're not the cause of failure.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

Welcome back!

That was a great reading. I hope it gets you to ease up on yourself. You are doing a great job in everything you do. You give it your all. No one could ask for more.