I didn't get it.

I just got the phone call I've been waiting for, but not from the person I was hoping to hear from. I didn't get an offer call from Sally, I got a information call from Renee. At least Renee sounded sorry (hell, SAID she was sorry) to inform me that I didn't get the job. It was offered (and accepted) by my coworker, PW. I like PW. She's a great person. But dangit! I've had my heart set on this damned job for 6 years, and I've done everything I can to obtain experience for this job, with the time & opportunities I have.

I'm going to give myself a couple of days to stop blubbering over the decision, then I'm going to approach both Ingrid (the head librarian out here at NPB) and Georgine (her boss, in town at Noel Wien) and ask them both what I could have done differently, how I could improve for the next opportunity.

BUT GODS!!!!! I want that damned job sooooo badly. And yes. I'm crying. And no, I don't want to stop crying. I want to call in sick to work, curl up in bed, and have a nice long pity-party, fueled by loads of ice-cream & chocolate. But, being a Monday(the day we're shortest staffed at work), as I'm not TRULY sick and I took a week off work a couple of weeks back, I'm going to go to work today, and just try to GET through the day.

Anyway.

Have a Blessed Day.

**********

EDITED TO ADD:

After talking with my boss, she agreed that taking the day to have a private pity-party with plenty of ice-cream & crying sounds like just the thing she'd do to in the same sitch, so that's what's going on. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home & got a half-gal. of Caramel Caribou, and a pint each of B&J's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and Chocolate Fudge Brownie. And a bag of sweet maui onion chips. And I'm letting myself cry as I feel the urge. And I'm hoping the head-ache that comes along with crying jags doesn't continue to get worse or I WILL start self-medicating with my Tylenol 3 and the couple of teeny-tiny bottles of hard liquer I've got stashed in the fridge & freezer.

(A tiny bottle of Tequila Rose that's really good on Vanilla icecream, which was why I got it. A tiny bottle of tiny bourbon, to try to grasp why my middle sis loves the stuff so much. A tiny bottle of Jack Daniels that Dad had bought for some recipe but never used. And a tiny bottle of whiskey that ALSO came from Dad's house. Between the 4, I'm sure I could drown some sorrows & dull some pain. *wink*)

THANK YOU for the love & sympathy. I know there's nothing really anybody can say to make matters better, but just knowing that my friends care enough to sympathize does help as much as any such thing can. I'm already making plans for how I'm going to better my odds for next time.

And there WILL be a next time. One of the "librarians", Miss Vicki, is going to be retiring in the fall, after this next Summer Reading Program. I HAD hoped for the chance to learn from her. But, as that's not possible now, I'll do everything I can to better my chances of getting her job when she retires & heads to Hawaii. I've already got some ideas, and in a couple of days when I'm not feeling so raw about this, I'm going to talk to the two women who interviewed me (would have been my bosses, if I'd gotten the position) and ask them what I may have messed up on, what I can do better on next time, and what I should work on in the meantime.

Today, though, is Pity Party Day. Who's gonna come join me for some Icecream???? *wink*

Blessings!