Just an update.....

Just to let y'all know that I'm still here.... Just busy, as usual.

The temps have dropped out again. This morning it's approximately -40 deg. F. And ice-foggy. Not terribly bad ice-fog, but it's there, and it's unpleasant, and I've gotta get gas in my car today. *pout* The temps are rising a bit during the day, as the sun rises, then falling again as the sun sets, but it's still not getting warmer than about -15 deg. F. at the warmest part of the day. *sigh* I guess it means I'll be wearing my long-johns to fill up my car.

DD has her second Dr's appointment today. This time it's an eye appt. She's never had one before, and she's nervous that she's going to get glasses. She's had some problems with reading & math, recognising her letters & numbers, and we're hoping that the problem is simply that she's a bit far-sighted and a pair of reading glasses will solve the problem. If that doesn't prove to be the issue, then we'll have to go a little further afield for an answer..... Possibly dyslexia, on a minor scale, or some-such. I don't know. But her teachers, DH & myself, and her reading tutor have all noticed that she has issues recognizing those letters & numbers. It makes it hard to read & perform basic math skills, really. So, we'll see.... Keeping our fingers crossed for as simple a fix as reading glasses. DD, of course, dreads the thought of wearing glasses. But we remind her that it would only be for reading at this point, and at least she doesn't have to wear them ALL THE TIME like I, my mom, my dad, my middle sis, my MIL & FIL, and supposedly my baby sis must. Even my SIL is supposed to wear glasses. She refuses though. DH is actually the only one who mustn't wear glasses at this point. But, seeing as he's 32 at this point, he'll need glasses in only a few more years himself. Certainly by the time DD graduates HS, DH will be getting glasses. Maybe only reading glasses at that point, but it happens to the best of us, that's for sure. So, DD's been assured that it's not only common in both families, but that it's not an absolute necessity for her at this point, at least. I mean, if I take off my glasses, the words on the computer-screen are blury, simply sitting in my computer chair. So, her eyes certainly aren't that bad, at least. She's lucky, as I got my first pair of glasses when I was only about a year older than she is now, and I've had to wear them all the time, ever since.....

Anyway, that is our plan for today.

Then DH & DD have some sort of fund-raiser to go to tonight for DD's hockey team. (I think it's selling programs at a college hockey game.) DH has just informed me I won't be going (or, at least, I won't be driving my car to it, meeting him in town after work) due to the extreme temps. Ok, can't say as I'm sorry about that. My car heats up very poorly (don't know why, it just does, we've checked everything possible to solve the problem and still can't figure it out), so I'm not terribly upset over not sitting in a cold car for two trips to town today.

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Really, other than that, just been busy with work. We had a nasty-crazy day on Tuesday. Evidently between the fact that we were closed on Monday for President's Day, and that all the kids had Tuesday off school for Parent/Teacher conferences, EVERYBODY in town was in the library for books (or to return books). A friend in the children's room at 8 pm had 96 queries on her tally-keeper, for the day. (That's not JUST her, but during the course of the day, on that ONE tally counter, there are 2 at that desk. But that WAS only 8 pm, with still one hour to go before we closed.) She said that the highest she'd ever seen, on what had previously been busy days for them, was about 55 or 60 queries for the day. So, 96 queries at 8 pm, is a lot. And that was just in the children's room. That's not including the patrons at the Circulation desk, or the Reference desk. And they ALL must come through the check-out desk (which is the desk us Pages staff). And we were down by 2 pages on Monday. We only have 7 of us that usually work on Mondays (if Monday is a holiday, I work my Monday hours on Tuesday), and 2 of those people were out. And 4 of THOSE people are only part-timers. So, it started out with only KO, and DB. PW was supposed to be there at 12:15 at the same time I was, and close down with me, but she was out sick. CM was also supposed to be there, except her schedual would conflict with her hubby's schedual, and since he makes more than she does (per hour), she had to stay home with the kiddos (since they don't have a reliable baby-sitter). I got there at 12:15. Then DB got off at 2, at the same time that AH was arriving for work. So between 2 and 6, it was ONLY AH, KO, and myself. Then KO & AH got off for the night, and ME got there to help me close for the night, though normally she would have been there earlier in the day. It was frantic.

Not only did we have loads of patrons coming in, all day long, but all the media & books they were returning, as well. (And, I've gotta say this, at least it was a GOOD day, attitude wise. Even though we were run off our feet, everybody was in a fairly good mood. No real patron problems that day.) I sleeved probably 300 DVDs, during the course of the day. (We keep the DVD cases out on the shelves for perusing, but the actual disks are in number-coded sleeves behind the check-out desk, and are only placed back in the cases once the DVD has been checked out to the patron. Keeps us from losing so many to theft.) And the book-bin overflowed a couple of times. I don't think any of us got any REAL shelving done. (Though AH did do a cart of DVDs & VHS, only because we ran out of room for them on our shelves in the Circ-workroom. Even then we also re-loaded a cart with DVDs but didn't get it shelved.) By the time I got off the desk (for the last time) at 7:30, and did my pick-up (for which I picked up over 30 mags and 90+ books on the first go-round), all the shelves in the work-room had stacks of books on the floor in front of them. Books that wouldn't fit on the shelves above. And all the shelving carts were full of books that had been placed on them for shelving the next day.

Well, got in on Wed. at Noon, and I was up at the desk right off the bat (we generally only take 1 hour shifts at the check-out desks, so that no one person gets burnt out, and hopefully we also get shelving done during the day). So, I went out at my usual 2 to 3 minutes before the hour. (I try to get to my workplace at least 10 minutes early so that I can get changed out of my outdoor gear, get my lunch put in the freezer, chit-chat with my coworkers, etc, and still be a couple of minutes early to start at the desk if that's my first duty of the day.) Well, LG was at the desk, and absolutely frantic. She saw me step behind the desk, looked at the clock & saw that it was actually 3 before noon, and snapped that I was early and I shouldn't be standing there doing nothing. I replied that I KNOW I was early, I wasn't "on the clock" till noon, but I generally try to get out to the desk a couple of minutes early if possible. So as to receive any details about patrons or books that must be passed on with the "changing of the guard". She responded something about how upset our supervisor was about the number of books to be shelved that day, and that she (supervisor) would jump on anyone of us who appeared to not be working, so I mustn't stand around aimlessly. I reminded LG that I was there to take over, and a couple of minutes early no less, so I WASN'T standing around aimlessly. Or, I wouldn't be if LG got out of my way and let me do my job. That kinda shut LG up.

Well, after my shift at the check-out desk (which was considerably less franticly paced than the previous day, but still a steady flow of people, and plenty of books to check in) was over, I was on the schedual to be back-up for the next person at the desk. That usually means that I spend 1 hour emptying the media bin, and checking in that media; helping at the check-out desk if a line of more than 3 or 4 patrons builds; and checking in what books I can, in the mean-time. On slow days, back-up is permitted to shelve (new books, or media, preferably) while keeping an eye on the check-out desk in case things speed up. As we had SOOOOO many books to shelve on Tuesday, "Super" deemed that all of us pages should focus our energies on only shelving books, and not worry about checking in (unless we were currently at the check-out, in which case we usually have a cart of books for check-in if the pace is slow out there) or emptying the media & book bins. The Circulation assistants would pick up the slack there, so that we pages could get as many books shelved as possible. That was certainly fine by me, esp. considering Super made arrangements for us to have help with the other, less essential duties.

Well, LG was rather freaked out by the number of books to be shelved and kept snapping about how NOBODY is supposed to be cheking those books in, or goofing off, if "Super" catches us, we'll get fired..... "Freak, FREAK, FREAK!" (Not that I think that LG actually shelved any books, she was out re-arranging shelves, and kept disappearing to mess with supposed other duties. LG is NOT a supervisor, or even Senior Page -that would be KO- but is a normal Circ page just like the rest of us, and per instructions SHOULD have been shelving, not focussing on her other 'less necessary' duties. But, she's got this idea that she's somehow superior to the rest of us, and because she's such a kiss-ass, the boss generally lets her get away with it.) She was so wired & freakish about the shelving issue, that the rest of us were getting antzy & rather snap-ish, just being around her.

She (LG) actually YELLED at AH, when AH saw the book-bin start to over-flow & stopped putting a cart of books together long enough to unload the book-bin. Reminded AH that if "Super" saw AH messing with the books, instead of shelving, AH was GOING to get fired, and to leave it alone as it wasn't our assigned duty for the day. (Not that AH was anywhere near tears, she was closer to finding a spare shelf & knocking LG over the head with it, instead.) LG actually had the nerve to snap at _ME_ for doing my job the way I've been instructed (by our boss!), and started telling me that oversize books were to be specially set aside for LG herself to check in (remember, we're not supposed to be checking in!) instead of placed on the table with the rest of the to-be-checked-in books. I ever-so-sweetly told her that not EVERYBODY does it HER way, and that even KO and "Boss Lady" have instructed me to do it JUST the way I was. That rather shut LG up, finally.

So, yesterday (Thursday), I went ahead & talked to MeB (the public relations person, who also happens to be a supervisor along with "Super", "Super" & MeB are senior to "Boss-Lady" who is currently on vacation) about LG's attittude the day before. We generally cannot do anything in defense of LG, because "Super" & "Boss Lady" are so blinded by LG's kiss-ass ploys to believe that their darling could be wrong, Ever. But, seeing as how "Boss Lady" isn't there, MeB became the next in line to make a complaint to (not to mention, she's just a nicer & easier-to-talk-to person all around than either Super or Boss Lady) about LG's behavior. I told MeB that LG was so worked up & frantic that she was stressing the rest of us out, that she'd snapped at me & yelled at AH, and that the way she was fretting about Super's directions to shelve instead of check-in, were coming across as a lot more stringent & threatening than Super may have actually intended them. Of COURSE I stressed to Meb that I didn't want LG to get into trouble, but that I though I needed to say something about her behavior, so she could be reminded about how strongly she comes across sometimes. I don't like making waves at work (I really don't!) but too many times LG has gone behind the backs of the rest of us, and brought MUCH pettier complaints to Super & Boss Lady, and wound up getting the rest of us chewed out. But, as I said, Boss Lady & Super are so blinded by LG's kiss-assy-ness that they won't accept anybody else's complaints about LG's pushy-ness & stressing. MeB doesn't think badly of LG, but she's also not blinded by LG's general kiss-ass nature. So, MeB was suitably concerned over hearing about LG's behavior the day before, and she said she'd talk to LG about it later. I'm guessing she'll talk to CF, EC, AH, and ME about LG, see if they noticed LG's attitude on Tuesday, as well. Knowing CF & EC (both of whom have been on the recieving end of LG's bad attitude in the past, frequently) and AH (who won't hesitate to let MeB know what LG was like on Tues.).... I'm guessing LG gets a talking to (even if it IS a nice one) by MeB, and hopefully even Super is made aware of LG's behavior on Tuesday. (Esp. considering LG's frantic reminders to the rest of us about how angry Super was about the over-flow of books, and LG's constant threats that we'd get fired if Super saw us doing anything but shelving. That doesn't make Super look good, either. And it SURE doesn't promote employee loyalty, the constant threat of being fired, even if that threat is coming second-hand.)

Oy, so that was Wednesday. I had hoped, when I went in Wed. morning, that it would be laid back & relatively stress-free, after how frantic Tuesday had been. Thanks to LG, it wasn't. Oh, it was fine once we got out into the shelves with a cart of books & away from LG's raving, but thanks to how high-strung LG was, the whole mood on Wed. was rather stress-full. Thankfully, yesterday (Thursday) was rather laid back. We were still doing a lot more shelving than anything else, but LG had finally calmed down, and Super had commented on how much better our Work-room shelves looked & that we could go back to our other duties as well, as time permitted. But, DANG am I glad to be off today. This week (even being a rather short week) was just TOO stressful.

I remember how quiet & relaxed it was out here at the NPB library, when I worked there a few years ago. My job felt almost meditative most days. And I was generally the ONLY page working (NPB is so small that it needs only 3 pages with only 10 hours each per week), so I didn't have personality conflicts with the other pages. I was often left to myself as my duties allowed, and I was able to get into such a rhythm, that I just automatically knew what would need my attention most that day, and I was able to get a LOT accomplished, without a lot of stress (most of the time). It's nice, having a rhythm. It was nice knowing that Tuesday would be the busiest, after being closed for the weekend. That I'd have a lot of checking in first thing, and would probably only get one cart of books shelved. Then Wed morning would be busy with Pre-school story time, but by noon it would slow down & I could get to shelving another cart of books. Thursdays were always rather laid back, with no programs, and I could get magazines out, new books weeded (once a month), and a couple of carts shelved in my 3 hours. Then, of course, my week was over. But I knew just how it would go the next week. There was that rhythm. Made it the PERFECT first job! And it gave me just enough hours (when I only needed a few hours a week) to come out of my shell & learn to be around people more. It gave me a chance to work on my people skills, without over-stressing me.

Probably why I do better than some of my current coworkers in my personal-relations at my current library position. LG & CF are not really people-people. A kid starts swinging on the directional gates coming & out of the library, and the kid gets yelled at by them. I can generally give them "the look" and ever-so-sweetly remind them that the gate isn't strong enough for hanging on, and please stop doing so before it breaks & they get hurt. (I've gotten compliments on my handling, actually!) And I'm able do to so without hurting the feelings of their parents. And when that pre-teen brat is shaking the tree, just to see what I'll do..... Dang, that's when I LOVE the "Stern Mom look" I've developed. (Unfortunately it doesn't work as well on DD as it does the kids at the library.) And that "Stern Mom Look" is often all I need. I'm happy to say that as much as I tend to be a hermit, I've been told by the library director how welcoming & friendly I appear when patrons come & go. I make them feel like they're welcome to be there, I'm not (normally) afraid to correct behavior when I see it (talking on cell phones IN the library!) but I'm not nasty or overly-stressed about it. And it comes across, evidently. I've gotta say, I'm proud of that.

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I was "invited" to a Women's "Retreat" at Dad's church this weekend. It's supposed to start tonight. The woman from church who called was so desirous that I be there because "Kati, I think this would REALLY bless you, you'd get SOOOO much out of it." Of course, it's 20 dollars to attend (money that I'm saving for Anchorage), it'd be giving up my weekend to sit in church & listen to two out-of-towners talk about my relationship with God. And I'm just not feeling like it. Of course these ladies from church have no idea that my spiritual focus is much more on the feminine these days. I've spent 20+ of my 28 years focusing on the Christian God, to the exclusion of the divine feminine. I can't always get out of going to church with my Dad (keeps him from nagging quite so much, if I go every now & again, when I'm not at work), but I see no reason to give up my weekend to listen to two women that I don't know speak endlessly about my need for a stronger relationship with their patriarchal diety. And these events tend to be much more fundamentalist than even the pastor on a Sunday morning. Which makes it that much harder for me to stomach. Sorry, just don't see how I can worship a God that's made it clear (through such prophets as Paul, and the guys in the old testement) that women are to be subjected to men. That women aren't supposed to teach men. That wives are supposed to be subservient to their hubby's in order to be properly following God's will for our lives. Often espousing such beliefs that I was created for no other reason than to serve my husband and to be mother to his children. (Did I mention that most of the ladies at that church have no idea that I've had my tubes tied after only 1 child??? *wink*)

And, as I said, I'm not spending 20 bucks to go listen to that for both days of my weekend. I've got better things to do. And I'm really not feeling like continuing to build a relationship with an extremely patriarchal diety & abandoning my relationship-building with my Divine Mother. 20+ years focused on the Father, the Mother deserves my attention now.

Not to say that I don't acknowledge & accept the existance of a male diety, but the Christian diety is so contratictory, that even if I WASN'T focusing on the feminine, I am not comfortable focusing on the god that the Christians believe in. The nature of Jesus Christ, whom I certainly appreciate, at the very least -even if choose not to emulate him, and of the god Yawheh, are very contradictory and at odds with each other. And really, I believe that there are probably more gods being discussed seeing as how often El is referenced. Having done some reading (both of the bible and of other texts) I really doubt that the origional old-testement writers were talking about the same "guy" when they talked about El and Yahweh. And the natures of these two "gods" are rather different as well.

Though, not having the reference materials in front of me, and not being THAT well versed, I couldn't really explain how. So don't pressure me. Suffice it to say, the last several years of serious Christian-based Study (before I faced facts that I wouldn't even qualify as "christian" any more) left me very uncomfortable with the way Christians approached God (and Jesus). And when I started discovering more about the Feminine divine, it opened my eyes to how flawed the christian view of God is and how much more there is to discover. And it's not at all "Satanic" as Christians are fond of ranting. Certainly no goddess I've discovered is any more malicious than Yahweh is recorded to have been in the old testiment. At least the Goddesses that DO have an obvious Dark side (Kali, Pele, Diana/Artemis) are wont to be open about their dark natures as their lighter natures. Goddess-worship tends to accept that there are two sides to that coin. Where as Christianity likes to look at the dark nature of God, and talk about eternal damnation if you don't do JUST as he says, but don't like to actually acknowledge that dark nature, instead talking about how God is Light, that their God can't do any wrong. (And again, more contradiction, as Satan is also refered to as the Prince of Light. Makes you wonder that Christians don't see Yahweh/Satan as often two sides of the same coin. And even if Yahweh & Satan aren't just different names for the SAME side of the coin, and El/Jesus are more names for the other side of that coin. I don't know..... So many thoughts & ideas that I toss around in my head, but have a hard time expressing them coherently.)

Suffice it to say, I'm blowing off the darn Women's Retreat tonight. I've got no interest in going. And there's a HUGE part of me that really can't wait till Dad leaves town & I can stop pretending to care about church at all. Because I really don't. At least not the fundamentalist churches. Though I am still curious, at times, about the local UU church. Seeing as my friend from the Children's Room at the library attends the UU church, I'm even more tempted to check it out. I just wish it wasn't so danged far away. It's over on the FAR side of town, almost as far from where I live as you can get, and still be in the same borough. Really wish there was a UU congregation closer to home. Oh well..... I guess I'll just keep on being Solitary then, and keep studying and learning for myself.

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Anyway...... I've now written a book (Ms. Christiansen would be proud!) so I'll stop. I'd only meant this to be an update, but..... Wow. What a busy week. I guess there was really no way to talk about what a busy week it's been, work-wise, WITHOUT writing a book. LOL

I hope the rest of y'all have had a more mild week, and are looking forward to a relaxing weekend.

Have A Blessed Day!