Wednesday, October 31, 2007

From dust were we wrought, to dust do we return.....

Dad got the call yesterday evening that at approx. 1:30 (give or take 10 minutes) Texas time, his brother passed away. Uncle John turned 70 this year. So he wasn't a youngish guy by any means. (He was 12 years older than Dad. Their sister, who was the middle child, with Dad being the youngest, passed away before DD was born.) Dad's SIL, my Aunt Norma Sue, is very obviously and understandably taking it hard. Dad is not going to try to make it down for the funeral, though he feels like he should, he also knows that with burying my uncle on Friday, he'd barely have time to make it down there, and the one plane ticket it looked like he'd be able to get was $1500.

My middle sis talked to Dad last night and said Dad started crying while talking to her, and commented that he was just sitting there in the dark (at his place) "thinking". *sigh*

I know I've said before that I look forward to my dad retiring and getting out of state. Now for a whole new reason.... Because he'll be doing things out of state that'll keep his mind & body active and hopefully won't give himself time to dwell on the things that are depressing him: my baby sis's & niece's move, his brother's death, his seperation from Mom...... Shelli and I are worried about Dad this winter. He'll be retiring at the end of Nov. and he doesn't really have anything planned to keep himself busy between Dec. 1 and the end of Feb. when he plans on flying down to visit Shelli in Tucson. I told DH last night that whatever else we do on Thanksgiving and Christmas, I want my dad to be included. Last year the FIL commented that he wanted to have Thanksgiving at his place this year, but along with the fact that the hubby cannot stand to be in the same room as the SIL & her attitude, we may need to rethink that and have Thanksgiving here at our house this year again. Which would be fine by me, and this'll be the first time in several years (basically since DD was 2) that we HAVEN'T had Thanksgiving here, if the FIL hosts it this time. And for christmas, typically we've started the morning here at our house before going to my parent's for an hour or two, then on to the inlaws for the remainder of the day. Again, we're going to need to figure out how to include Dad, because I really don't want him being alone, and Mom & Shelli have both said they won't be coming back for Christmas this year due to ticket costs & work. That's fine. Last year we thought Dad would be living in the states by this time, too. But, since he's not...... Well, Shelli and I just don't want him being alone during these family-focused times.

My sister commented on how she feels kinda sad that she doesn't feel MORE sad over our Uncle's death. I'm not terribly suprised based on how little the 3 of us knew him. We didn't grow up close to any of our extended family. Even when my grandparents died, I cried because my parents cried. Then again, for me part of it comes in that I know that these folks who were in the winter of their lives, in pain, facing death, have now moved on to a different adventure. If one believes in heaven & hell, then in the case of my dad's parents & bro & sis, I'm fairly sure they're all in heaven and what is to mourn??? Mom's family, I don't know where they stood spiritually or religiously, so that question of heaven or hell is a little more unanswerable. Personally, heaven or hell doesn't even answer it for me. I'm more inclined to believe in reincarnation after a period spent reflecting on the choices made in the life just left behind. I think whether it's heaven or hell depends on how one views the choices they made. If they made a good life, good decisions, and tried to be more of a help in this life, then their after-life experiences probably resemble more heaven in that they're happy & content with their past life. If they made poor choices, caused deliberate pain through their decisions & actions, I'm guessing there's a lot of crying & gnashing of teeth because they finally realize the agony they've caused others. THAT would be hell, to me! And, when all is said and done, I think these people will choose another incarnation on this world, hopefully trying to improve on their experiences from one life to another and wherever they're resting is just that, a RESTING PLACE. Not a place where they'll be permanently. So I don't find TOO much sadness in their passing.

What sadness I DO find in the passing of a person (or a pet, because I still cry over the loss of my Honey-cat and feel sad that I wasn't nicer to Baby -another cat, and miss my dog's Charlie & Sebastian) is because I miss them. I miss the interactions. I miss knowing that I'll never get to see their smiling faces again, or feel their support and wisdom in my life. But again, with the knowledge that I didn't know my uncle very well comes the realization that I wasn't close enough to him to miss him like this. And therefore I don't feel sadder at his passing. Not sad enough to cry for that loss in my life. If I cry it will be because of the pain I know my dad is going through. Perhaps what sadness I feel is partly due to the wish that I HAD known my uncle (and his sister, my Aunt Lynn, for that matter) better. Again, I think it comes down not to sadness over their deaths, but sadness that I didn't know them better in life.

It's interesting the contemplations that death prompts.

Have a Blessed Day!


barefoot gardener said...

So sorry to hear about the loss of your Uncle. I am glad you are going to be including your dad in the holidays; he will probably need all the family time he can get.

Here is hoping that things start getting a little better.

whimsicalnbrainpan said...

"It's interesting the contemplations that death prompts."


I hope your Dad will be alright.

Em said...

I am sorry for the loss in your family. My thoughts are with you.

Robin said...

I'm sorry about your uncles death...and your Dad is lucky he's got you.

Some who believe in reincarnation feel that souls do things in groups...they are bonded somehow and agree to keep coming back friend, foe or family in order to help the other gain wisdom that they haven't yet mastered. Somehow, that's always made sense to me...that the core of people I feel 'welded' to~be they friend or blood...are the ones I travel with.

I don't know where animals are in the mix. But if my heart has anything to do with it, they're a part of my pack.

MarmiteToasty said...

Sorry to hear about your Uncle, when a death happens, be if family or friends, it sort of pulls one up by their short and curlies and makes one think about how fragile life really is and what is most important in that fragile existance........


Robin said...

Hey Kati....thanks for stopping by. Re: Step it up...I didn't expect people to be able to make it to the rallies....I thought it would just help to email our rep. and senators. Thanks!

Connie Peterson said...

Sorry to hear about your uncle! I believe that those who tried to be kind and nice will go on to a better life the next time. Those who deliberately did wrong will pay next time by suffering much of the pain they caused this time. At least it makes ME feel better to think that someone who is harming children and get away with it will "pay" next time around.

I am sure your uncle will go on to a better reincarnation the next time.


peppylady said...

So sorry to hear the lose of your Uncle.
It always been a life mystery how families and human real don't or want to understand each other and I feel sometime we don't understand our selfs.

Tori_Z said...

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I have to say, I feel the same way you do when it comes to loosing loved ones (be they friends, family members, or even pets). I too miss the interaction more than anything. I believe that death is just the next step, and that people (and animals) get another chance (or maybe more than that) to live their lives the way they believe is best. Plus, it's hard to mourne the passing of someone you hardly knew. It's a shame it's going to be so rough on your Dad (and some other members of the family). Still, if he has been suffering then perhaps it's for the best. Whatever you believe though, it's always sad when a life comes to an end. This is just the long way of saying I'm sorry to hear of your uncle's passing, but understand where you're coming from when it comes to your beliefs and feelings about his death (and the deaths' of others too, really).

Princess Banter said...

I'm sorry for your loss, darling. No matter how close or distant we are towards someone who has died, I think that the idea of death still shakes us all pretty hard -- the idea that it can happen to anyone at any time. It scares the bejeezus out of me. It really makes one think.

I hope your dad is coping well.