Agrivation, at work & at home....

Oh, first.... Glad y'all enjoyed the pics of the moose. Toasty, my dad doesn't have the whole yard fenced in. Just the corners (keeps the snow-plows from running too far into the yard every winter if they can see the fence-posts sticking up out of the snow). So, there wasn't a gate for the moose to come through. To the right of the corner fence you were seeing is a strip of small birch & poplar lining that side of my dad's yard. To the left is a large open stretch along the road. So, the moose weren't hopping over the fence, or figuring out a gate. Just walking around. *grin*

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So, we'll start with the work. As I mentioned before, I love music. And I frequently get tunes stuck in my head that are VERY hard to displace. Well, Sunday this was happening in a BAD way. ("I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee, won't my mommy be so proud of me, I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee. Ouch!!! It stung me!!!!" *rolling eyes*) It so happened that this little ditty was coursing through my head, over & over & over...... as I was going about the job of emptying the outside book-drops & unloading the "shopping carts" full of books onto designated carts to be checked in. (We open at 1 pm on Sundays, and promptly one of us 3 pages makes a run outside to empty the outside bins, rain, snow or shine, -60 deg. or +90 deg.) I had 2 cart-loads to empty, and had to make a quick pit-stop in the rest-room between my trips outside.

This meant it was about 2 pm when my boss walked past & I had the notion to ask her about the possibility of getting a radio in the work-room on Sundays, so I would hopefully not spend 4-1/2 hours with one verse of a children's song coursing through my brain. She said she'd bring it up with HER boss, and see what she could come up with, but also.... "That's wierd, Kati, that you can't get the song out of your head. Why don't you just think of a new song instead?"

(Duh!!! Does she think I haven't TRIED?!?!?!)

So, yesterday when I came in to work, my boss called me into her office to tell me that she'd mentioned the possibilities of a radio to HER boss, and had been told that it wouldn't be a good idea. Part of the reasoning I can certainly understand, and that was the fact that if they allow a radio on Sundays, then they'd have a heck of a time explaining why there couldn't be music playing on Monday through Saturday as well. (It's too noisy with a couple dozen people in there on the weekdays, but Sundays there are only ever 8 employees at work, and we're pretty widely spread out.)

She then went on to say that book-drop should NEVER take a person more than 40 minutes (WTF???? When you've got bins so full you've got to make 2 trips???? Factoring in the cart rolling repeatedly away -or alternately, snow so thick that it makes the cart hard to push at all; vehicals pulling up and handing you even MORE arm loads of books; and trying to make sure that the books are stacked semi-neatly in the cart instead of just thrown in helter-skelter, bookdrops take a MINIMUM of 40 minutes! Not a maximum! And that's not counting my much-necessary suprise need for a quick trip to the toilet.) And she didn't see WHY I was still in the workroom well after that 40 minutes when I SHOULD have already been out in the stacks putting a cart of books away. (Nevermind that I don't know when I was supposed to put that cart of checked-in books together, much less get them out to the stacks!) And that if bookdrop had only taken me the 40 minutes that it was supposed to take, then I wouldn't have TIME to have arbitrary songs running repeatedly through my head. So, now it's all MY fault and I'm in the wrong. *rolling eyes*

On top of that, she made the excuse about how HARD it would be for HER to concentrate with music playing. 2 wierd things about THAT excuse.

A) She doesn't USUALLY work on Sundays!

B) Just last week I was doing my back-up duties (ie: emptying the inside book bin as needed & arranging the books in categories to be checked in, emptying the media bin & checking those items in, keeping an eye on the person out at check-out in case they needed help) and I heard classical music playing. Sounded kinda like Brahm's Lullaby, but it was only bits & pieces of it, so I couldn't be sure. I even asked one of the reference librarians when she came back looking for a book, if she heard it. Sure enough she agreed that it sounded like Brahm's Lullaby as well. We finally figured out where it was coming from. My BOSS was wearing headphones, listening to classical music, and had it turned up loud enough that I could hear it from outside her cubicle-office, on the other side of the work-room, on a "busy & noisy" weekday. *shaking head* So it's perfectly ok for her to distract US & listen to music loud enough for us to hear, but it's NOT ok for us to have the same music playing quietly on a radio for everybody to hear purposefully. *shaking head* Idiocy!

And this is NOT the first time I've asked for consideration on things (I've asked if we could get an exacto knife for cutting some things that it would be helpful for, instead of the increadibly dull knives we've got that don't even have an edge any longer), I've mentioned concerns about faulty practices I've noticed among my coworkers, and I've mentioned concerns about other things patrons have done. And my Boss has given me the "I'll look into it" type comments, and then NOTHING is ever done. And I know, because I'll ask my coworkers and they'll confirm that the Boss didn't say anything to them, or ask them anything. *sigh* I'm just getting sick & tired of being told (both in word & in deed) how replacable & unimportant we are. Individually that may be so, but as a whole, doesn't it stand to reason that the most menial laborers (in the case of the library, us pages) should be given decent consideration as well as the reference librarians. If it wasn't for the work pages do, the librarians wouldn't be able to find the books the patrons need. They would have to do all the checking in & out themselves. They would have to shelve the books themselves. Pages might not be high on the totem pole, but we are ESSENTIAL to a properly run library. And I'm getting frustrated with the attitude that we're just not important enough to be considered. (Including back in March, or whenever it was, that the computers were shut down with NO advance warning for those who'd see the most work come out of it.)

And, I certainly won't say that it's ALL of the supervisors at the library. But, my boss and her boss seem to view pages as furniture more than employees. We're there for use, but any concern over us is purely as to whether or not our job is being properly done. Like a chair, it's there, you'll use it, and you'll only care if the spring sticks you in the backside or the leg breaks.

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On top of that, I'm starting to feel like a fifth wheel in my own home. Recall how at my last birthday I asked DH if we could go out to dinner at a nice resteraunt & I'd love escargot & creme brulee???? He of course said that we didn't have the money. Ok. Well, paycheck after paycheck after paycheck, I asked. I commented. I tried not to nag. The answer was always "we don't have the $$!" Finally, about mid-May, I quit asking. By now I KNEW we didn't have the money.

Fast forward to this weekend. DH takes DD shopping and buys her NOT the $99 MP3 player, but one that costs $120 instead. Another 2o bucks, ok.... Not a huge amount. But after her attitude this weekend (and in the past few weeks), she lost the option to have that sleep-over after all. No sleep-over. No bowling with friends. "Sweety, if you can't speak respectfully to your parents, then you DON'T deserve a sleep-over. That's all there is to it." Ok. That was ME saying it.

So, last night as we're sitting down to our usual late Monday night dinner (grilled cheese sandwiches & tomato soup), DH asks DD if she wants to go see that new disney movie that's coming out this week, since she won't get her sleep-over because of what _I_ said. And oh, where does she want to go eat????? We just spend $120 on her BIRTHDAY present, and now he's asking her where she wants to go eat & what she wants to go do????? My freaking birthday present was a day late, cost $40, and I didn't get dinner either. And it's not the first year this has happened. Consistently, the last few years, he'll spend big $$ on her birthday present and we'll go out to eat to celebrate. I certainly don't mind celebrating the birth of my child, but it's been 2 YEARS since DH and I have been out to eat, just the two of us. And that time DD wasn't along because she was out of town on a train trip with my dad.

If I ask to go do something, we don't have the money. It's been 2 years since I've had a date with my husband. But oooooh, we've got plenty of $$ to spend on whatever the kiddo wants to go do.

And last night when I came home angry about the lack of any professional respect at work, DH told me that if I'm not going to quit my job, then stop griping and get used to "being furniture". And again, he's got no problem griping for HOURS about how unfair his job is. If DD comes home griping about something she feels was unfair, he's darned near ready to go beat heads in. But when I'm feeling gripey..... "Suck it up Kati! You get paid, what more do you want???"

Oh, not much. Just to be treated as if I'm human instead of a moving piece of furniture. *sigh*

I've gotta get offline & get heading in. I've gotta get my car filled up with fuel before going to work to endure 6 more hours as "furniture". (And, I quit a job I LOVED, where I was treated as a human employee instead of furniture, because he wanted me to have more hours. I HATED the 9 months I spent in retail between that job & this one. And now I'm back in a library & I'm NOT going to quit just because I'm being treated like "furniture". But Dammit!!!!!! It's NOT too much to ask to be treated as human & given even the littlest bit of professional respect.)

Ya know..... Fuck it. I'm feeling like crap today. Now I'm crying & look like shit. I've got 140+ hours of sick leave. I'm calling in sick today and going the hell back to bed.

Have a Blessed Day!

PS: Oh, and this is my 200th post! Whoop! Amazing how quickly I went from 100 to 200.